Origin of Ideas

In making this very clear, I don't want to dilute the meaning behind Cinders of Dreams. This is a journal, a diary, a canvas, for the purpose of getting my thoughts and stories out in writing as a compass to guide my ideas in both linear and non-linear directions for self expression. Many of the later additions are fictional with parts of my life experiences or desires intertwined, while others will follow a more true-to-life autobiography of my past and future endeavors. The distinction will not be inherently clear because as is true to my life, many things I wish for, want for and do are not so ordinary, as are the stories I write and the thoughts that pass through my mind at any given moment. Currently, while writing this, I am compelled to explain the reason for my writings and the courses they follow.



I am a novice writer of science fiction yet many of the stories I write and am working on have an element of drama, romance, erotica and/or connection on a very deep and humanistic level. Why?



I believe, based on an elementary set of traits that we are all born with, that one of the main driving traits that we all share is the idea of belonging. We wish to belong. Whether it be to a group, a clique, a family, or a relationship, we all desire meaningful, substantial and nourishing human connection. What is human connection?



In a sentence, it is the relationship between persons or people, built on trust that allows for the individuals the opportunity to be completely honest and genuine with private feelings and aspirations with the knowledge that no matter what, everything will be ok. It is my belief that we all have facades, even around many of our closest friends and relatives; we adorn ourselves with faces that hide our true feelings, thoughts and pains for fear of rejection. Though we yearn for the chance to be open and honest with another, we harbor our feelings and thoughts from each other for self preservation. However, if someone looks closely enough, as I do, that mask you wear becomes translucent. I would tell you that I understand what you are going through, and that you are in good company.



Why do so many of us live in fear of ourselves and each other? Why do so many seem to be superficial, fake and private when every person, regardless of appearance, age or virtue, share identical fears of acceptance on some level? Why is it so hard some times to share yourself with others and in some situations, with the person looking back at you in the mirror? My diagnosis, in a word, is Love. It is what we search for, fight for, hurt for , cry for.



We as complicated, emotional and spiritual beings, go through life with many things on our plates and on our shoulders. It can all seem so overwhelming at times. Even in the complications with socializing and the issues that life sometimes gives us to work through, financial, marital, occupational or physical, the simplest of gestures can be just what it takes to pull us back to normality.



Love, there are so many capacities in which it can be expressed, so many avenues it can take in deliverance. Hugs, as adolescent as they can sound, can make you feel in control in a world full of chaos. A kiss, can make you feel important and special in a society of ubiquitous individuality, where everyone is searching for their niche. The holding of a hand brings warmth and comfort, as if in a gesture, a message can be derived that says in its way, 'you are not alone.'



Alone, another concept that motivates or demotivates our actions in connecting with others. It is an ominous idea indeed, the thought of being or ending up alone, unloved and uninvolved. Many are stricken with it, many of us are emotionally paralyzed by it. What process of self deprecation is it that makes one feel so unimportant and/or undeserving? We are all born children, innocent and special. We all have memories of better times as care free spirits, but what systematic events take place in your life to eat away at individual self confidence? So many traumatic things happen in life that go without saying. It takes awhile to understand those things, to learn from those things, to grow from and away from those things to become, dare I say, human, again. But in retrospect, is it not human to grow and learn from our ailments?



I use the term human as the object of desire that many people unintentionally vie for. Simply because many people that suffer from depression, numbness and anxiety feel so disconnected from humanity that they do and act in certain ways to make themselves seem and feel human. Which at times works when in the company of others, but in reality, the act of pretending is just a social bandage, not a permanent fix to the heart of the problem. But what is it to be human?



To feel human is important, in many respects it is because feeling human is the act of being human, connected to others of the same nature, belonging to the same moment in time, and accepting of our frailties. We become part of a group, loved and cared for even when we seem strong and in control or lost and needing a hand. That is why many of us live our entire lives with basically the same groups of friends, live in the same place for years on end, and even find work close to home. It is so we are close to what we know, connected to what we are and who we have been, and most importantly , so we can be nearby to those who have come to love and accept us. Throughout our traversal of life we meet many people and experience a variety of conditions, yet those who we befriend and even fall in love with, are in many respects the people who make you feel whole.



Though it is not the entirety of humanity that falls within the category of those that yearn for loving assimilation, it is still acutely rational to surmise that in the end we all have that not so ambiguous desire...to be.



Allot of what I write and will post here, will fall within those devices, so that even you who don't know me intimately can still identify with my stories and feel connected. And perhaps, while reading and writing bits here and there that examine the human condition, together we can answer some of those questions that linger in our minds after the sun has set. Thank you for reading friend.



With Love, D.V. Cortez